Being for others..

My experience with the concept of being-for-others is not exactly a brief one. It had been with me since I have realized something very important, and still is continuing to this day.
I have three brothers and a sister. My sister and my two brothers are significantly older than me. My father, who is quite successful, expects a lot from each of us. As I was taking primary school, my brothers and sister were already taking their respective courses in college. They, however, did not exactly live up to my father’s expectations. My two brothers got kicked out of their colleges due to extremely low grades. They were very preoccupied on many things but academics is not one of them. My sister, on the other hand, finished college promptly but without any academically commendable achievements because she too was preoccupied on different things. My eldest brother went to different colleges and got kicked out after a common span of time. This happened too many times and I had lost count. My other brother went to another college and did a little better than the eldest since he stayed there for good. By good, I mean an additional four years. This seemingly endless series of failures and disappointments was too much for my father. He became less kind to my siblings. Though, I know it was mostly their fault.
I graduated high school and was now ready for the empty slate that is college. Knowing what had gone on within my family though, my heart was far from light. An immense pressure involuntarily laid upon me was there. I cannot let what had happened to my brothers happen again, I said to myself. I never did put a lot of effort to my studies during my high school days but being in college was largely different. Even when I was at the worst of my moods, I would study hard. I knew this was the very last chance. After several trimesters in college, results of my academic efforts materialized. I had acquired grades that surpass even my father’s expectations. I did it, I thought.
To this day, I am somewhat coerced to perform “well”.

Levels of being-for-others:
a.) Love or Masochism
b.) Hate or Sadism

Conclusion:
I refute Sartre’s argument that hell is other people. Indeed, conflict arises when the definition of our selves that stem from our subjectivity is distorted through the perspective of others. Because of this we become sort of alienated from our true selves and therefore act in accordance to how others see us. Thus emerges the phenomenon of being-for-others. However, this concept may not be viewed so pessimistically. One could say that the hellish trait of the other is somewhat offset by the latter’s indirect propensity to positively benefit who he or she is affecting.
In my particular case, my behavior was affected by my father’s expectations. A conflict emerged from the discrepancy between my definition of my self and my father’s definition of who I am. Somehow, the latter ruled and I was at its mercy. Having that said, I am glad to be in this seemingly pessimistic situation. Because of the overarching authority towering over me, I had unknowingly improved my self as a whole. I was able to avoid the wrongs of my brothers.
I can confidently say that other people are not necessary hell. On the contrary, they could be the exact opposite.

References:

http://www.lclark.edu/~clayton/commentaries/hell.html
http://www.nationmaster.com/encyclopedia/Being-for-others
http://www.theatrehistory.com/french/sartre002.html